August 2013

A friend of mine told me about a course at the University of Utah called 'Attachment Theory Across the Lifespan', which isn't a required course for my major but I was instantly intrigued because attachment theory has been by far my favorite theory since I started to learn about child development.

Through this amazing course that I took, during my last semester as an undergrad, I was able to redefine my life and accept myself for who I am.  It was a great opportunity to find my representation model which interpreted how I interact with others, as well as myself. 

As my brother would tease me that I suffer from lack of love from my adolescent years, he warned me to be careful when dating because I have tendency to become too attached to someone (stage 5 clinger status).  Sounds a bit harsh but he's not completely wrong.  Since my major life changing experience when I was 13, I neglected to admit some 'issues' as I grew up.  I have avoided talking to my own family about my true feelings because I felt like I was being a 'burden', when in reality, they are the ones who know me the best.  I also have fallen too easily in my past relationships and was totally blinded by the masks that others have put on which ended up stabbing me in the back.   Fortunately I have overcame all these.  I learned to be open with my own family without the feeling of guilt to seek out for help when I needed some emotional support.  Since then, my mom and I have been so much closer than we already were.  I also have learned to lift the grudge from my heart about some people from the past because that's just waste of my energy.  As cliche as this sounds, I really think everything happens for a reason.  I've been hurt by others so I can only be stronger, I've been denied by others so I can learn to stand up and start over, and I've been loved by others so I know how to treat others the same if not more. 

I've been through so much within the past year as I have moved on from a long term relationship, moved out on my own, graduated from college, and survived my first internship interview week.  It was rough and challenging but also thrilling.  I am very happy with the result and the people I have around me.

It's hard leaving this state that has became my third 'home'.  I am periodically bursting out of tears thinking about leaving all this behind.

But it's time for me to close this beautiful chapter of my life and open another exciting one.