A friend of mine told me about a course at the University of Utah called 'Attachment Theory Across the Lifespan', which isn't a required course for my major but I was instantly intrigued because attachment theory has been by far my favorite theory since I started to learn about child development.

Through this amazing course that I took, during my last semester as an undergrad, I was able to redefine my life and accept myself for who I am.  It was a great opportunity to find my representation model which interpreted how I interact with others, as well as myself. 

As my brother would tease me that I suffer from lack of love from my adolescent years, he warned me to be careful when dating because I have tendency to become too attached to someone (stage 5 clinger status).  Sounds a bit harsh but he's not completely wrong.  Since my major life changing experience when I was 13, I neglected to admit some 'issues' as I grew up.  I have avoided talking to my own family about my true feelings because I felt like I was being a 'burden', when in reality, they are the ones who know me the best.  I also have fallen too easily in my past relationships and was totally blinded by the masks that others have put on which ended up stabbing me in the back.   Fortunately I have overcame all these.  I learned to be open with my own family without the feeling of guilt to seek out for help when I needed some emotional support.  Since then, my mom and I have been so much closer than we already were.  I also have learned to lift the grudge from my heart about some people from the past because that's just waste of my energy.  As cliche as this sounds, I really think everything happens for a reason.  I've been hurt by others so I can only be stronger, I've been denied by others so I can learn to stand up and start over, and I've been loved by others so I know how to treat others the same if not more. 

I've been through so much within the past year as I have moved on from a long term relationship, moved out on my own, graduated from college, and survived my first internship interview week.  It was rough and challenging but also thrilling.  I am very happy with the result and the people I have around me.

It's hard leaving this state that has became my third 'home'.  I am periodically bursting out of tears thinking about leaving all this behind.

But it's time for me to close this beautiful chapter of my life and open another exciting one. 

I dislike that I'm in a state where I cannot make any plans.  I should be moving within a month but everything is up in the air since I don't have a place to live yet.  Finding a place in NYC is difficult as I imagined but trying to get through all the applications is uglier than I thought.  Huge props to my brother, who is already out there, for meeting with different real estate brokers to find a good place where both of us will be able to conveniently get to work. 

Another thing that has been driving me crazy is selling and emptying my apartment.  I lived here for a year but I've lived in Utah for almost five years now, which means I have accommodated LOTS of stuff.  I listed some furniture and kitchen stuff online to sell but I'm mostly worried about my car.  My Goldie, who I desperately wish I could take with me...although I would be too scared to drive it anywhere in NY.  I've met with some strangers this past week to show my car and to answer questions but no one has gotten back to me.  They all seemed satisfied but I guess I just have to be patience.

Few days ago I was emptying my bookcase in the living room.  It was like walking down the memory lane, sorting through dairies, folders from previous classes, books, and notes.  I found many lecture notes that I saved from various education classes over the years.  Looking through them made me realize that I do not need to save those notes anymore.  It was really hard for me to decide but I couldn't carry all of it with me either. 

Back in May, I was torn between two career paths.
I was honored to be accepted into the Urban Institute of Teaching to become an elementary student teacher.  Yet I still wanted to see what it was like to be a child life specialist.  After talking to friends, teachers, parents and mostly my-confused-self about this decision, I decided to go with the 'unknown/unsafe' path that had no guarantee of getting accepted.  But hey, it all worked out :)

So right now my apartment looks like it got hit by a tornado.  I have two boxes of books/folders that I want to send it to my wonderful-and-cute future apartment and I have two piles of books that I don't know if I want to donate/take/giveaway/send-home.  I feel like all this would be much easier if my mom was here with me.  Because I am sort of a hoarder like my dad who get attached to things and have difficult time deciding whether to keep or toss things.  But my mom, she just knows what to do with-----everything!

It feels weird to be tossing all the lecture notes and books that I saved for my future classroom, but I am more than ready to start my internship. 

I'm just crossing my fingers that I will have a place to send these boxes to here in couple weeks or sooner.  Oh geez the life of traveling me... I now have one more place to say when people ask "where are you from?" 

Well this is it for my rant today. 
xoxo,
Until next post

About two months ago I was exhausted, burnt out, confused, and anxious working my way through internship applications.  The application was for a Child Life internship, which I have dreamt of becoming I discovered the profession during my freshman year of college.  I originally entered University of Utah as a biology major because of my interest in science, then getting used to the big auditorium lectures and different way of teaching decreased my desire to pursue this major.  I was lost after receiving my midterm back from that class with the lowest grade I have ever gotten in my life.  I sought out to the freshmen counselor at the student services building that same week to discuss my other options while still maintaining my passion for working with children.  She told me about Child Life Specialists and as I researched more about it I felt that it was a perfect fit for me.

Unfortunately the U didn’t have a Child Life major but I was fortunate enough to be enrolled in a school where the courses taught by certified Child Life Specialists existed so that I could still graduate with the emphasis.  I decided to take an additional emphasis on child life and enrolled in courses in Early Childhood Education to attain a more holistic understanding of children.

Internship applications took so much work but I couldn’t complain since it was my chance to get closer to my dreams.  I met with the career counselor to work on my cover letters and resume, met with writing center staffs to work on my application and essay questions, and my best friend helped me with prepping for presentations and to keep me sane.

I first looked at applying at few places out in New York and New Jersey.  Then as the due date got closer I added more hospitals to apply to my list.  After numerous sleepless nights, appointments, and panic attack moments, I managed to apply at 11 hospitals and landed 4 interviews.  Woo!

After 1 presentation, 2 in person interviews, and 3 phone interviews I was finally done with the hideous interview weeks.  It was hard to remain positive after bombing some phone interviews and I was saddened that I couldn’t visit the hospital to do some of the interviews in person.

I must’ve done something right though.

On June 11, 2013.  The official offer date, I had planned a lunch date with a friend to keep me distracted.  But I was up before 6 am constantly refreshing the email app on my phone.  Then I received the first offer call from Primary Children’s Medical Center and second called proceeded by a wonderful staff from Sacramento.  I was excited yet nervous to hear from NY still.  I stepped away from my computer to get ready then before I stepped outside I decided to check my email once again.  Then there it was! An email from Cohen Children’s Medical Center of New York; I was hesitant to open because I was scared to see what it contained.  Then I saw the first word “Congratulations”, my vision went blank.  I couldn’t even read the email, and out of excitement I started to cry.  All the worries and hard work I had put into this was finally paying off.  I called my parents (it was 2 am there) to let them know and to share the moment of joy together.  I did ended up re-doing my make up but I didn’t mind at all.

It has been two weeks since I have accepted the offer and have decided to move to New York but it’s still surreal to me.  I am so so so excited to be closer to my dreams, to intern at an amazing hospital, and to be reunited with my older brother who has always been my role model.

Xoxo,
Until next post

My name is SaeHee.  I am a recent graduate from University of Utah.  Currently living in Salt Lake City and just enjoying life as I am getting ready to open a brand new chapter here in a couple months.
I won't go on about introducing myself here, you'll just be exposed to my life a little by little as I write each post here and get to know me!

Xoxo,
Until next post